What's The Deal With Conditioner?

I bought a big huge bottle of conditioner a couple months ago.  Jules needs it real bad for her long, long beautiful hair, which is a thick full head of fine hairs and tangles super easily.  I use it occasionally when I feel like it. 

The problem with the conditioner we bought is that it doesn't do anything.  It feels like a water and cornstarch mixture in your hand, but with mostly water and a little cornstarch to thicken it slightly.  I feel burning unhappiness whenever I use it on myself or Jules, because I keep expecting it to do something and it keeps not doing anything. 

Then I looked at the bottle and it says its primary job is "Moisture."  And then I started looking around at all the different products; maybe 60 percent of the hair stuff says it's for "Moisture." I'm not really into cosmetics too much.  I know people have dry hair.  But I am flummoxed by this intense focus on Moisture.  Really?! There are that many people whose hair is that dry, that we have so many products devoted to Moisture?  What does that even mean?  To me, moisture is when I've been out of the shower for awhile but my hair is still slightly wet.  Moisture is when it's too hot outside and your shirt gets sweaty.  Moisture is when your baby has had a lot to drink and it's evident by touching the outside of his diaper.  Moisture is when it's raining and the carpet in your basement starts to get whiffy.  That's moisture.

I guess I don't need moisture for my hair.  I'm just blessed that way.  What I need is Conditioner.