Modern Maternity Clothes

When I was pregnant with Eric I got me some super-comfy fun maternity clothes. I still have the shirts but the one beloved pants and the other not-as-beloved pants had to go, for style reasons. They were really comfy clothes, with lots of stretch and forgiveness.

So I'm more moderner now and with Russell I was blessed to be able to go in and buy some modern-day maternity clothes, mostly from Target. So Liz Lange, bless her heart, has these maternity clothes and they're supposed to be all stylish but mom-friendly. I will now review her work.

This isn't going to be a positive review. Liz apparently thinks modern and stylish pregnant moms don't care about a) comfort, b)wedgies, or c)their gut hanging out. I have had problems with all these things while wearing Liz's "maternity" clothes. One big thing is the stretchy panel up front. I avoided this altogether on my first maternities, with Eric. I thought, ewww! stretchy panel! So Liz Lange must think that also, because most of her maternities have a big fat stretchy waist-band that's designed to sit at your actual waist. That's pretty ok when you're not very pregnant. But once you hit actual pregnancy size and shape, it's STUPID!! My main problem with this waistband option is that it's super-uncomfortable having stuff right there all over your already uncomfortable fatty old belly. Then you have a contraction and boop! the whole thing slides right down to your crotch. This is Lame. So I give these pants a thumbs up for style and early-pregnancy comfort, but a thumbs down for late-pregnancy everything. They're great for going home from the hospital, though, when you're still all fatty but not pregnant.

Then the other style of pants Liz does is the "below the belly" waistband. I have one pair of these, that was on sale for like $5.41 or so. They are great, in that they don't give you a wedgie all day nearly as bad as stretchy-panel maternity jeans. BUT the downside is that if you don't want your gut hanging right out from under your shirt, these are not the pants for you. Mostly they just slip right down to the crotch pretty much all the time. So, not that comfy out in public or modest. So bless their heart, these pants were a good attempt to keep that big stretchy waistband off your uncomfortable "belly" but don't turn out to solve the problems.

And shirts. Traditional maternity shirts are big and wide and long and comfy. But they do make you look big and wide and huge and enormous. So modern-day maternity clothes involve little shirts. Little stretchy shirts. Oooh, so cute, look at her little pregnant belly. I despise the word belly and all attempts to make your baby gut something cute. It's really not attractive, people. It's just something you have to do and Look Like for a few months in order to score the real bonanza. So, like the pants, little stretchy maternity shirts are cute and flattering early in pregnancy, when regular clothes are too tight but regular maternity shirts are WAY too big. And then you get to the "actually big and pregnant" stage and they become RIDICULOUS. First, if you do have pants or jeans with a stretchy panel, whop! Here it is right out in everybody's face, because little stretchy modern maternity shirts aren't long enough to cover that fun stretchy ugly panel. It's not good looking and I for one, want it covered. Second, even if there were something cute about a pregnant baby-gut, and it were great to wear a little tight stretchy shirt over it, the shirt should at least COVER the baby-gut. Sweet old Liz Lange wants her modern-day maternity shirts to be short. For lack of a better word. She feels it's more stylish and flattering, which may be true when you're not that pregnant. But when you're big and fatty, like me right now, longer is INFINITELY more flattering. I tried on a modern shirt the other day and it was so ludicrously short and stupid-looking that I took it off instantaneously. I didn't even want Russell to see it on me. Really dumb. Plus I am super uncomfortable all the time, if my shirt is sticking a) on my butt or b) on my tummy. I feel like Big Edna in the movie "UHF" adjusting my shirt down constantly all day. These shorty little shirts are murder for a person like me, adjusting and pulling constantly, all day, all day.

Finally, I have something to say about stretchy panels. Nothing will ever be as comfortable as my first un-stylish maternity pants that I don't have anymore. I now have and wear pants with the stretchy panel. They might-well work for some ladies. Me, myself? I am in a state of constant Wedgie-ness. In my attempt to be cute and stylish, and wear modern-day clothes, I have succumbed to vanity at the expense of comfort. Is having a wedgie all the time comfortable? No. But then almost nothing about being pregnant is comfortable. That sounds like whining and it might be. Proto-whining, maybe. So either I can have a wedgie literally all the time, except right after a wedgie-pick and before moving a muscle, or else I can wear the waistband-down-to-the-crotch Liz Lange pants and have my gut hanging out all the time. I feel justified in a little tiny dash of whining. I do get into my jammies as early in the evenings as I can. They are regular clothes, but nice and stretchy and comfy. They make me look really tubby and I don't care. I rave about their comfort. Two thumbs up for comfort, if only for 9 or 10 hours all in the night.